Not with that Empty Charm.

"Charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

Proverbs 31:30

         To my observation this past weeks or months since I had my bangs, there were no days that I don't hear people saying that I'm beautiful (Thank you LORD! :) for making me beautiful. It has been your grace to my life LORD.). Upon the spontaneity of hearing the honey-filled words of appreciation from people, It became so irritating to my ears. So, I rebelled  inside-- I don't want to be "another-woman-with-empty-charm". I don't want to be plainly beautiful as the world sees. I want to be a woman who has this noble beauty inside--a beauty for the King; A beauty that would really standout; A beauty that can surpass the word "beautiful" as the world defines it; a beauty that the King might want to be enthralled with. But, one thing that I desire most is that the beauty of the LORD will be shining in my life.

"Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;

honor him, for he is your lord."

Psalm 45:11

#Lord, you are shaping me to my final beauty.

Faith Over Emotions

Video from YouTube

Song Title: Nothing is Impossible by Planetshakers

[*Picked Lyrics: I'm not gonna live  by what I feel. ]  =)

"We have taken a great step toward maturity when we trust GOD without relying on our feelings. It is more of a blessing when we believe without experiencing any emotion. While the first level of faith believes when our emotions are favorable, the second believes when all feelings are absent. And the third level transcends the two, for it is faith that believes GOD and HIS Words when circumstances, emotions, appearances, people, and human reason all seem to urge something to the contrary."--from: Streams in the Desert

"Feelings come, feeling go, emotions change but our LORD--He is always the same."--Ashley Green

#Amen! :) Challenging but this is really true. :) He will always do what He promised me. :)

One Of My Heart's Story

THE RECOLLECTION
Back in the memories that I was giving my "some-what-all-but-not-all" to someone way back years. The more I wanted a relationship with that someone, the more I get things around me broken. I am so in the mode of "giving-it-all-away" but not to the extent of giving my sacred purity. I was losing my self for that lesser value and turning my heart away from my King. Yes, I did not lose my purity, but It was so stained with wrong investments. It was a relationship that is so gazing to emotions (What a foolish heart! tsk!). A relationship that is uncommitted and unprotected to be godly.


A GIRL WHO...
As a girl grown up with Christian-ethics-on-waiting-for-the-right-person, I always dreamt of a godly-relationship. So I made it a law to myself that I will only entertain "christian-suitors" (Huh?!). But it was all wrong-- a so wrong perspective on godly-relationship, thinking that having a "christian-guy suitor" would make a godly-relationship.


REQUEST GRANTED
Envy came to me. I was so envious having someone who would find me beautiful, craving for appreciation from a guy and there the enemy laying his trap for me, waiting for my landing. As to my desire that I want a "Christian Guy Suitor", my request granted (Oh....noooooo!).


CONFUSED IN BETWEEN AND WITH THE BUTTERFLIES ON MY STOMACH
Suitors came and they are real pursuant. I arrived on being stuck in between and confused (which is which??).  From there, I cannot decide because of fear to confront or to say no. In my heart, I liked the "other one" but and not "other guy". Maybe, I can't decide because the other guy was so into investments for me--having this surprises, caring, sweet messages, he visits me at home & etcetera which I liked a little maybe because i'm a girl who wanted to be so special. But, I didn't like it much. To my fear of confronting, I had this made up lies which is a not so good decision.


THE REAL MEAN GIRL
I thought lies would help to cover up my fears but it lead me to thoroughly hurt the other guy. I was with the lies and ignoring the guy. In that, I can say that I'm real mean-girl, playing someone's emotion (haaaaay.).


THE SUPERFICIAL & THE TRAP
To the other one, I was spending so much time with him and because he is my classmate. This "other-one" is the ideal guy for me at that moment-- He is a musician, a writer, brilliant & etcetera, the characteristics that I like in a man. He makes me a little lively with his words and I liked the feeling of being talked about because he likes me. My classmates and other friends who knew about us would really think that we love each other & I liked it.  But, I was just so superficial and into emotions of being so selfish. Unknowingly, I was already trapped...long way ago. I was my  giving portions of my heart with no right timing, trying hard just to look good and be more desirable. I did not fail in my trying hard, I was appreciated. I was so obsess on my emotions and his appreciations that made me to invest a little bigger. It was I who invests all the time not him. After all of those, he left me hanging without a word and gone.


THE AFTEREFFECT
I was broken, empty. Had a low self-esteem because I anchored my identity with him. Trying to gather the pieces of me on myself. Bitter. Crying for no reason that makes me look insane in some time. I was really depressed. I was obsessing in displacement to cover things up. But after all the effort of restoring-- it was not enough...therefore, I can't.


DIVINE INTERVENTION & STRENGTH
Once upon a night, I was crying so hard with the words of hopelessness to GOD asking for his help then fall a sleep. Then, I had this dream--a no other like dream. I knew, I knew... It was GOD speaking to me in a dream.(Had a blog of this dream: on http://daylightstarlight.blogspot.com/2010/03/not-guy-dream.html) A dream that prepared me to stand and decide to let go. It was not easy to let go but God gave me strength--His grace. It was the dying stage for my restoration.


A GIRL WITH LIFE LESSONS

For all the pains and tears, It was not without lessons. I learned a lot and still learning. On submission for heart-discipleship.
My perspective was changed and still changing to God's perspective of a godly relationship. It is not having a "christian-guy" but having GOD first in me and to "whoever you are".  Learned not to play with someone's emotion. I learned how to guard and to lead my emotion (and learning & learning because Heart is so deceitful). Learned to surrender this area in my life to GOD. Learned to wait in God's time table with trusting, not initiating because of impatience. Learned not to stain my purity--a life living for JESUS. *I thank you LORD, especially to the restoration.


REASONABLE REASONS
It happened so that my gaze will be directed to him. He is jealous for me. He wanted my love. He is pursuing me more than these suitors. He is the real lover that never let my  heart be broken nor my return of investment be in vain. He appreciates more than the guys. In Him, will my identity be anchored. He fills me with so much love. Much more to this, I am desirable in HIS eyes even i'm effortless most of the time. He wanted to gave me the best--the best of HIM. <3


HEART MENTORS
In view of the life from the people  who impacted my life with their testimony and through their GOD-given revelations and advice, I was mentored. Witnessing the faithfulness of the LORD in their lives--with their heart-milieu; in that I'm definitely encouraged loving the LORD above all else not for the sake of having a wonderful relationship someday--but because I'm just into the LORD. Moreover, I love to read books for the singles with thoughts of being married to JESUS that really helped me to disciple my heart.


JUST A REMINDER
One night, As Kuya Rey Lagat and Ate Minette (a power couple) was driving me to Buhangin, I got the chance to converse with them mainly about the aquintances, some of the whereabouts, and parts on the future plus an advice. But before I reach Buhangin, Kuya Rey told me in this thought (paraphrased): "Huwag muna mag-boyfriend kasi di pa shaped the character niya. Mahirap kapag di pa shaped ang character." , Ate Minette and I agreed. I can really agree with Kuya Rey as what happen to my past and to some of my friends who had a stressful relationships. And, I'll take note of that. :D


THEREFORE
That, anything in impatience is unshaped & True LOVE is found in the LORD. Nothing less, nothing more. Dreams brought to reality are GOD-given freebies on delighting ourselves to HIM. In God's Grace and in HIS rightful timing I will arrive to a God-modeled-testimony that is worth sharing with the message of GOD's love to everyone.




#ToGODbetheglory!

Overslept.

*a reaction to the [Top 10 Time Wasters: Laziness] of www.setapartgirl.com

Laziness is a real monster.

Snoozing before you can decide to get up from the slumber. But before the sunrise, during the night I found luxury to my hobbies and did not mind the time therefore I went to my bed late.

And this very day, I want to battle in this. Giving the firstfruits of my day to my LORD. Waking up early, havng that discipline as a worship--a love offering. Discipline is something that we sow to reap much fruit. God is delighted when we bear much fruit (i'm talking to myself.hehehe.). In discipline we bear much fruit--in time, character, strength. But before it must bear fruit first it must die. Discipline is a part of dying. John 12:24 says, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.". We die, so we bear much fruit--and it is discipline to my part. I know it is not easy, it is costly. It must be consistent and enjoyed. Again, I'm a princess submitting to God's process.

Tapusin mo talaga Lord. :D

Philippians 1:6-- And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

*comforted. Faith increased. :) Trusted HIM even more. :) I'l be seeing my name on Registered Nurse's List this December 2011. :)

The Chase of His Goodness and Love

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

 ¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

² He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

³ he refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths

for his name’s sake.

⁴ Even though I walk 

through the darkest valley,^[a] 

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the LORD

forever.

An assurance of victory. :)

I am not afraid in risk--there God is taking the risk for me. :)

I have peace because he let me see beyond what I don't see.

I will celebrate because He put a heart of celebration in my heart. :)

Yes, definitely-- His goodness and love will follow me. :)

#Lord, I can't put this Faith in words. :) Basta Lord, I know you are with me. :) There will be a testimony from this wilderness trip. :) You glorify me so that you may be glorified. :) Praises to you my king. :)

falls & dies: MUCH fruit.

John 12:24(ESV)--Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

*Breakthrough comes when you die. And God wants your dying so that He can let HIS love to its fullness in you. Dying is a must.